‘pag wala nang hamog sa daan

the skies have cleared. i am not where i wished i could be in, but i’ll take whatever fate gives me.

this friend of mine has his roots for his feelings for this someone, from his childhood. the beginning was cloudy, but until college and after that, they still talked. in one way or another, he let his intentions be known; his feeling felt. he really is a far out kid compared to his love: achiever, really pretty, decent family background. but the most special trait she had was her personality. she was really like-able. her vibe complemented his, in cliche, she completed him. everyday for 6 years, they talked. they shared joy and tears, even meals. more importantly, he loved her. he can still remember how he walked miles to meet her, just to realize he walked the opposite direction.

but the ball. that ball. the picture of her in that purple dress remained engraved in his heart. all those years he waited, was all worth it. that was one moment probably will never forget.

that was his climax. hers was college.

the heaviest feeling to carry is the feeling of regret.

she found her love. that wasn’t him. it crushed him, but he accepted it fine. there is no easy way out, but that. only one time he asked, “years, for a couple of months?”, but to the tree. the tree never answered, and he has spent all his guts.

he found his, too. and honest to goodness, he gave his all, but he still couldn’t let go. so he left and waited. he waited but he did nothing. he waited until she had another one. she probably will never find someone else; she’s good for good.

now he, after all those years. 15 years. he didn’t complain. 15 years he turned yes-man. he endured alone.

no more what ifs. no more anxiety. no more unsolicited worries and unrequited (romantic)feelings. this time, he would be starting to think of himself, too. one more errand, and that will be his goodbye.

one last time. one. last. time.

goodbye.

this is for every person feeling that the world was against them, when the world was just fine. feelings are high-risk, high-reward investment, and one’s misery doesn’t necessarily say the same about the other.

maybe, it was just you who loved her, maybe she did, too. maybe she never did.

/gg

Living a Life of a Lie

People always mocked me. Nung maliit pa lang ako, binully kami ni Jondee ng busmates naming babae, just 1 year older than me. Talked off by mothers because i was very big for my age. I always hit the bench dahil hindi ako marunong magbasketball. They said i’m a waste and won’t make it.

What i did? I let it go. Hindi ko pinansin ang pambubully sa akin ng mga tao. Getting older i made the basketball team. I swam better, played football better, made the track and field team before i got introduced to a game i loved since young: rugby. After that i loat weight. I was thin. I studied hard just to get to a good college.

I did everything. And i loved every moment i was on the top of the world.

Now, i am miserable. The scar on my shoulder, the big belly and my blue books remind me of how i forgot about the things i should be doing, and jow i made my life out of the little things. Watch tv, travel, talk to friends and family, tambay, gimmick, etc.

I’m 23 and i still am in college. I am weak. I’m at the lowest point of my life. I have to take calls now to make it through everyday. I served coffee. I taught kids. But i think i can make make it.

Now, back to square one.

What makes the world go ’round

Trust is such a valuable commodity that everyone is taking advantage of it. What a shame.

And yes, KLM, i’m not gonna ride you.

Silencer.

Chattur Ramalingam, yung antagonist sa 3 idiots. i never knew totoong nag-eexist pala siya. oo, he walks among us.

madalas maraming tao sila grouping into one silencer, pero pag minamalas malas ka, mararanasan mo yung pait. ang hirap, ang sakit.

there’s just someone trying to get what they what regardless of what other people would feel. yung sila na yung may mali, they will turn on you na parang ikaw pa ang may kasalanan. you’re trying to live a normal life, making things work, sila magpipilit pumasok and then biglang guguluhin ka lang pala.

changing your life multiple times. i don’t want to live a life of lies.

i. am. not. afraid. 🙂 bless your soul.

30 before 30

taking the time out to thank everyone so thoughtful enough to make their presence felt.

this sure is a happy birthday! a lot to thank for and a lot of growing up to do. and i know you guys are at my back all the way, even if i have to do some things alone.

cheers! 😀

what to do?

always have plan B, C, D, E. you never know what could happen.

2nd of 30 things i want to do before turning 30: put up a restaurant

halatang halata naman sa katawan ko na mahilig ako kumain. and yes, nahilig na rin akong magluto. actually, kaya lang naman ako nahilig ay dahil sa mga kamag anak ko. nanay ko, mga uncle at auntie ko, lahat masasarap magluto. at kapag sa probinsya ka lumaki, walang mcdo, jabee etc., necessity na sa isang bahay, may masarap magluto. or else sasakabilang bahay talaga yung kapartner. ha ha!

anyway, gusto kong makapagstart ng kahit maliit lang na restaurant, or catering services, para sa nanay at tatay ko, para pag nagretiro na sila, may gagawin naman sila. isa pa, gusto ko na tumigil magtrabaho yung auntie ko sa lucban para naman makapagrelax na siya. Susana’s ang gusto kong pangalan, para susyal, hahaha.

sa tagal ko nang nakakapagexperimento ng mga pwedeng lutuin, makukumpleto ko na ata ang menu ko. hahaha. kaya lang, parang nadidisregard na ng mga Pilipino ang kasarapan ng Filipino food, so feeling ko i just have to settle and put this up somewhere abroad; this sad truth.

nilamog mong saging ko. pwede na tong dessert, on top of your peborit ice cream. hahaha simpleng simple lang: cinnamon banana and honey. tried and tested awesomenesssssss.

dinutdot na toot ng baka. ito naman, parang appetizer. yung utak ng baka igigisa lang sa olive oil at basil, tapos pahid sa bagel – instant heaven. haha

nagugutom na ako sa pagsulat nitong blogang ito. hahaha. and this just gets even better.

binating buco and bj . binati na, bj pa! double whammy! ultimate refreshment 😀

and yun na nga, magiging trade mark ng restawran na ito ang pinakainoorder sa lahat: serbis water. may option ka kung coconut water or lemon water ang gusto mong tipid na pamatid uhaw, para naman kapag may nagsabi sayong “eww jolooogs service water” sasabihin mo na lang “excuse me. coconut water yan. jolooogs yer pes”. o di ba. andami ko pang naiisip na kabalbalan pero tama na. hahaha iyan na lang muna. pag natuloy to, gugulatin ko na lang kayo. 😀

sabi ng mga pari noong gradeschool kami, simplicity.simple lang dapat ang mga bagay-bagay. gawin ang nagpapasaya sayo, magpasaya ka ng ibang tao gamit ang bagay na nagpapasaya sayo. simple lang. and this is my way para magpasaya ng bawat tao. di ko na kailangan si Gordon Ramsey para lang i-overhaul ang restaurant ko dahil alam ko sa sarili ko na sa kagalakan ko at ng mga mahal ko sa buhay huhugutin ang lakas na magpapatakbo ng mumuting kainan na to.

sana madali lang makuntento.

next up: gumawa ng origami.

30 things i wish i could do before turning 30.

maraming bagay tayong hindi matanggap tanggap sa buhay natin. bakit siya, hindi ako? bakit yung dine-date niya e mukhang paa, mukha naman akong siko. mas maganda ba ang paa sa siko?

bakit kailangang tumanda? di ba pwedeng 21 na lang ako habambuhay?

a lot more questions baffle us everyday, and entropy will make sure things on earth will not be fair.

bakit ang tao, hindi makuntento?

this may be one of the hardest questions to answer. and i’ve only thought of a way to address this: make a to-do list. in one way or another, this list will make you feel that you’ve already done something worthwhile with your once thought miserable life.

so this is my list, basically about travel and food, but, what the heck. this is what i really wanted to do. so here:

1. complete my own ‘tour’ of the Philippines

i’ve always been dreaming of walking on every road in the Philippines. the diverse culture will drive you nuts as you begin to realize it is not happening elsewhere.

i have been up north, to Ilocos, Pangasinan, La Union, Baler, Baguio, Pampanga, etc. and down south Quezon, Mindoro, Bicol, Cebu, Davao, etc. and believe me, no cultures are alike. a lot to say for a Filipino kid, even biased abit, but it is true: travelling the country would take a lifetime to do, but is certainly worth it.

i have no right to complete my list of travelling abroad without seeing the beauty of the whole of the country. this is the main reason i want to finish skin diving because no Phil tour is complete without seeing it underwater. 🙂

the immense flavors of the food stay true to their roots, and is striving to make its way to more and more tastebuds. the infamous sisig, for example, has 2 ways to make! one with roast pork belly (kapampangan) and deep fried (bagnet and manila versions). tinola has 2. nilaga, 3. even at food, regions in the Philippines have their own interpretation.

this is NOT only the way to walk the Philippines. there’re plenty of other ways like through festivals, religious cultures, and historical journeys. you can take your pick.

so that’s one for now. for thirty posts i will complete this list (hopefully before i turn 30 hahahaha jk)

i am proud of my roots that’s why i want to walk the country; mahirap magyabang na di alam ang tunay sa saysay ng pinagyayabang 😉

next: put up a restaurant.

sa kulay ng buhay – one awesome omelette

herbs activate in the presence of hot oil, so be sure to blanch them herbs first before pouring in the omelette mixture. i like mine 60-40 on the egg-milk ratio. it is that moist and fluffy and has a burning caution. hee. perfect with freshly squeezed lemonade! oh well. one guilty trip after spending the past days eating oatmeal for breakfast.

changing sides, i had these very strange thoughts about people lately.

my cousins are already doing great with their fields. i mean, i know they really wanted to live a good life for themselves. i envy them because i will be stuck in school for 6 years because i don’t know how to bargain too much. i know, i know. i’m too rude to say that, but no pun intended. i had to pay the price. and yeah, a 10% chance to making it to flying school [not including money problems because that just make it impossible] it is the first time that i wanted something so bad – so bad – that i am willing to have multiple citizenships to get in. not everyone are thrilled by my choice to go fly, especially my parents, but if it is His plan, i will fly.

then, engineering. people are just plain awesome. akala ko mga robot ang mga taong ito na hindi bumabagsak, puro uno at student leaders pa. napatunayan ko na kapag pinairal mo ang pagiging tao mo, something not good will happen. or something that you don’t like, for that matter.

just trying to enjoy everything now is such a worry. now, i have been through too much for people to judge me and hammer me with improper tones of voice and claims without proof. if you have a problem with me, that is your problem. this is just my tendency to listen too much to other people.

i want to get inked, here on my surgically-repaired shoulder.

always being optimistic will get me through this major and lead me to the path that will make me contented.

que sera, sera.